random update :)

“ why don’t you update you blog more often?”.. someone from work asked me this morning. I loved this question, which was indicative of the fact that there were people who liked my blog (ahem! read my blog)..
After a while, my team-mate turned up and said that he’d read some of my blog posts over the weekend.
And when I heard this for a third time today, (this time a dear friend called up to actually yell at me for not updating it), I took it as a sign! And here goes..

Life is as usual.. obscure random-ness punctuated by craziness, laughter, crushes and a rare tear or two.

Went shopping this weekend.. actually window-shopping .. Wanted to buy a new spectacle frame, tried out scores of them, but didn’t like any that much. And left the shop in a huff, when she said my eyes are too big!! You sell stupid frames n have the audacity to say that there’s something wrong with my face!!

And then went to a mall where I had to pay for accidentally breaking an ugly coffee mug. Stupid fragile things, destroyed by a mere fling of a careless hand!

And there it was again… the nothingness. Life right now is at a sort of frozen standstill. The minute I leave my mind alone, it sort of ventures into a scary zone.. of disturbing questions about the future, haunting philosophical thoughts of “what’s the point??” wrenching guilt trips of how I could have made my life better, anger at the unfairness of situations, indignation, and lots and lots of self-doubt! It’s a lot to deal with.

I heard all this mental stuff happens to every one..they call it ‘mid-life crisis’ , but ain’t I a tad too young to have it? Anyways, I don’t want to deal with it and as always, took an easy path.. I just mute my brain whenever these disturbing thoughts threaten to surface. I keep watching this show’ How I Met Your Mother’ I have 5 seasons of it in my comp and every minute of my free-time is spent watching episodes back-to-back, until I finally fall asleep. It feels good to live in passive-ness for a while, watching emotions from outside, while your own brain is safely cradled in the nothingness of ceased thought.

Time will come for me to un-mute my mind and get on, but right now, I’m happy and safe at the ‘Pause’ button.

??

He could be somebody’s grandfather…

This morning was no different from any other morning.. I woke up, rolled around in the bed, slept for a little longer, finally convinced myself to wake up. Got ready, had breakfast, mumbled ‘hi’ ‘hello’ ‘howz life’ ‘going good’ to flat-mates.. and left for work.. thinking about some mundane things, daily trifles. Same old weekday..

But then..

At a traffic signal, there was a wrinkled old man, looking like he hadn’t eaten for days, and he was asking for alms. This isn’t an uncommon occurrence at traffic signals. Yet I can never forget his eyes. I have never seen so much sorrow on a human being’s face. It was just so unfair.. He could have been someone’s grandfather, sitting in his home, resting his frail old frame in his last few years, perhaps with his little grandchildren playing around. But no, he’s not. He is on the street, barely able to walk, his beseeching eyes asking help from strangers.

And in that moment, all the worries of daily life seemed so insignificant… issues at work, broken hearts, weight loss problems.. all of this doesn’t even matter .. people are struggling to live out there while we fret about these things. Sure, we have problems too, life ain’t a party for anybody, yet somehow, looking at their suffering changes my perspective. Makes my problems look tiny.

What can we do about it though? Can we do something about it? These rare moments of compassion.. should we just mute them and go on about our lives like nothing’s wrong? Like we have been doing?

I don’t know what to do, or if I will ever be able to do anything about it. I don’t know if that old man would ever smile again in his life.

There are more questions than answers, but I know one thing.. I can’t mute these feelings and go on living. Maybe there is something I can do. Maybe there’s something we can all do. We can find the answers if we only spared time to ponder over the questions.
Maybe there’s still hope..
Think about it..

a near-death experience..

We were dumb, plain dumb, and we actually thought we were being smart...

Some random IBMer sent us an invite for a seminar which would be 'life-altering'!! and blah blah.. of course we didnt't beleive that a bit.. nothing can change your life so drastically.. at least not a seminar.. at least not mine.. I have a problem with listening for more than 10 mins continuosly.. I never could..

But we thought it would at least have a 10% effect.. maybe! And we thought we could get up and run if it gets too boring.. so five of us, feeling quite proud of ourselves that we were leaving office 3-4 hours early, started towards the venue of the seminar.. for somehting we foolishly imagined to be fun.. All the while making jokes about 'how jobless are we' to be leaving for a seminar on a weekday!! and somehow, we were quite happy about it..

We reached the place, having narrowly missed being hit by a bus and an auto, and almost killing a biker and a pedestrian.. (the lady who had graciously given us a lift was driving in a sari.. which is the world's most uncomfortable thing!!.. though at other times I kind of admire her driving. it's kinda good).. It was later in the evening when we realized being part of an automobile accident would actually have been better..

Anyways, we were the first to enter the hall.. "Oh my God.. what if we were the only people in there?? we cant even get away!!" but slowly the hall filled up with people inching towards their slow death..

And then it started.. not at all what we had gone there for.... A splendid case of false marketing.. we were promised a life-altering blah blah and what we actually got was a sorta cazy, hyper person trying to sell us a 3-day 'self-help' course.. He kept jumping up suddenly screaming random phrases.. 'passion!! passion!!' and long clueless sentences.. sumthing like.. "your past is not in your past, but in your future.. you are not a product of your past.. but the future you are living into.. " and as he rambled on abt "past future crap crap... future future.. this view that view.. crap crap future future.." I really wanted to get up, shout to his face "dude you are screwing my 'present'" and walk away from that inferno.. but no, i sat there stupidly enduring all and that wishing that this particular guy hadn't been born..

Oh, and he was not alone.. he was aided by a team of what appeared to be actors in those cheap 'Telebrands' commercials.. all eagerly jumping up and describing how wonderful this course was.. They were all so eager to grab the mike that if sumone would have told them that only one speaker would have a chance, we could have witnessed a 'mass wrestling' match right there.. All we could think was.. 'How much have they paid you to say this?? We'll pay you double to just shut up!!'

After around 3 hours of this , I heard the sentence which was like nectar to my ears.. "Thank you all for coming".. we didnt hesitate for a miute..grabbed out stuff and ran like mad.. the gracious 'lady in the sari' had slipped out 20 mins earlier clutching her phone and yelling "hello.. hello" into it..

It took me a long walk in the fresh air with a friend, and a huge cup of coffee to become human again..

So ppl! Next time someone gives you an invite for a 'life-altering' seminar, forward it to your worst enemies.. :)

Friday the 13th!!

I guess I’ve always been slightly paranoid about train journeys (not unnecessarily, I’ve had my share of rotten experiences) and hence I never travel alone. And I realized today is Friday the 13th!! And I’m going to be on a train tonight!
Well I don’t usually believe in superstitions.. naah.. they’re just stupid.. though I might believe in jinxes and ‘touch wood’ n all.. (they’re REAL!!)..
But couldn’t help Googling abt ‘Friday the 13th. As usual found a cornucopia of stuff..

So many legends behind one superstition.. Ctrl+Ved from Wiki..

The most interesting and easily the most gruesome one was about the Knights Templar.. (sounds familiar?? Yeah yeah Da Vinci Code).
The Knights Templar were a monastic military order founded in Jerusalem in 1118 C.E., whose mission was to protect Christian pilgrims during the Crusades. Over the next two centuries, the Knights Templar became extraordinarily powerful and wealthy. Threatened by that power and eager to acquire their wealth, King Philip secretly ordered the mass arrest of all the Knights Templar in France on Friday, October 13, 1307 - Friday the 13th! And probably massacred them all..

Another interesting but kinda silly legend goes like :
The actual origin of the superstition, though, appears also to be a tale in Norse mythology. Friday is named for Frigga, the free-spirited goddess of love and fertility. When Norse and Germanic tribes converted to Christianity, Frigga was banished in shame to a mountaintop and labeled a witch. It was believed that every Friday, the spiteful goddess convened a meeting with eleven other witches, plus the devil - a gathering of thirteen - and plotted ill turns of fate for the coming week.

LOLZ.. Can’t blame her.. poor thing was named Frigga!! Frigga?? Hehe..

And there’s a truckload of folk-lore revolving around this.. Google it up.. it ranges from fascinating to mildly interesting to down-right mundane.. (there was something about a stock-market crash .. that Black Friday one that we all kno abt.. but still, after stories of Witches and Kings , this one sounded lame.. )

But this little para made me sigh in relief..

For many, the number 13 was considered a lucky number (such as 13 lunar cycles each year), but with the efforts of Christianity attempting to degrade all things Pagan, they promoted 13 as an unlucky number, with Friday thus also being considered a bad day of the week.
(Btw,Pagan is a term given to nature-worshippers.)



So, today is actually lucky for Pagans.. I’m soooo Pagan.. (at least for today) well I believe in ‘touch wood’ n all.. This started off as an old Pagan ritual – the ancients used to tap or knock at trees for invoking tree Gods and tree-dwelling nymphs and fairies to bless them with good fortune and that slowly turned into the ubiquitous ‘Touch Wood!’.

Nyways, bottom line.. though it’s Friday the 13th, I’m safe..

uh..Touch Wood!!

Dirty unwahsed Jeans..

Bangalore’s heaven these days .. Been raining the whole week.. not the mad pouring kinda yucky rain; the nice, musical drizzling rain- the kind that makes you smile as soon as you wake up, a nice lazy smile and crawl back into bed, snuggle up into the lovely warmth of your favorite blanket, and go back into the world of dreams….
The kind that makes you want to listen to MJ’s ‘heal the world’ in full volume.. makes you miss your coffee-buddy ( every one has a coffee-buddy- somebody with whom you have awsum coffee conversations, lazy banter about nothing and everything, without a care in the world.. my coffee-buddy is a certain freak called Ezzy)

I was walkin to work today, in the cold morning, where everything seemed to be bubble-wrapped in misty damp dullness, with miniscule rain drops kissing my face and MJ crooning in my ears, very happy with the world.. I was fantasizing about bunking work and playing dirty sloshy football in the rain with my friends (BUT that fantasy will never materialize coz my friends here would NEVER bunk work!! ) .. nyways I have an extraordinary imagination and somehow the smile never left my face.. and my grin got wider when a cute somebody on the road returned the smile!

I was wearing a dirty unwashed pair of jeans today ( the rains prevent you from washing clothes u kno!) and while I was walking I slipped my hand into the pocket and hey presto! The unmistakable feel of money! There’s something extremely delightful about finding money in your old jeans .. a childish joy akin to finding a sunken treasure.. lolz..
Hmmm..This mention of treasure brings back a certain old memory..

Long long ago, when I was little, I read these books where kids go n find an ancient treasure in the middle of an adventure (remember Famous five and Tom Sawyer??) and obviously I used to fantasize about it .. the adventure held my interest more than the money( I was a silly child) ..and one summer I went to my grandmother’s place..
She had this beautiful puja-room which I loved to visit. One day I found this tiny little cupboard kind of a door in one dark corner of the room. That minute was the best, most thrilling one in my life so far!! I slowly approached it , to prolong the glorious moment and opened it with trembling fingers.. Stuck my head in and peered into it.. and got the biggest fright of my life!!!!! It was full of cockroaches.. hideous ugly scary creepy crawly absolutely disgusting ..cockroaches…

Nyways where was I? yeah.. old jeans.. That gives me an idea.. go home hunt in your old cupboards for discarded old jeans, trousers, ..whatever .. and turn the pockets out.. you might find something. ..an old love note, leftover pocket money, faded photographs.. unwanted marksheets… lots of interesting ‘maybe’s.. if u do find sumthing.. plzz lemme kno.. just scribble it in a comment here…

Adios!!

A whole new Blog!!

Hi ppl..

I have started a new blog.. to post little blogs..
I call it Li'l Musings.
Random thoughts, quick scribbles..

CHECK IT OUT at..
Li'l Musings

an epiphany!

OK.. Sometimes, CRAP happens. And you know what? There’s nothing you can do about it. And you better not!

Coz the Rule of Craponomics says that..

When u try to handle the mess in your life, it just gets worse. Crap multiplies.

Sometimes you might feel very lonely. Sad ..depressed..blah blah..
So what? You won’t die… you won’t get uglier than you are.. there’ll still be things to eat in this world and idiotic things to be watched on TV.. so what’s the big deal?

Lie low, and wait for it to go.
Oh, but no… If u’re like me, u wont do that.

U’ll think u’ll feel better if you talk 2 someone, so u’ll call people up in the middle of the night.. 2am. Of course, they don’t have crap happening, so they’ll be asleep. Someone might groggily answer the phone , just barely conscious and faintly curious that u’re dying or something! U mumble an apology and hang up. Then you end up feeling doubly lonely PLUS supremely embarrassed.
The Rule in action.

Some jobless scientists came together, did a research and found out that there’s a chemical ‘anadamide’ in chocolate which makes us feel happier when we eat that. Like hell it does!! I bought a Bournville( Yeah the one with the MORONIC ad) .. no use at all! Waste of money. And thank God I don’t fret about calories or there’d been more crap!
(U know wat? A friend of mine was telling me abt this guy who was actually calculating the number of extra push-ups he’d do after every bite of Pizza!! lolzz)
Anyways, the point is, u cant eat a chocolate n drive away ur misery!!

Similarly, taking a walk wont help, music wont either, (The Rule dictates that u wont find d song u’re lookin for)….Every thing u try to do will have a nasty aspect to it which will get magnified the more u try.

So lie low, keep to urself and relax!! It’ll go when it’ll go! Save urself and others the nuisance! (read a useless quote sumwhr.. 80% of the people don’t care abt ur troubles and 20% are actually happy dat ur troubled!)

The point, ladies and gentlemen, is that Crap happens!!