rise and shine..

It’s immensely gratifying when you wake up and look out of the window and find a Gulmohar tree in all its fiery splendour. The tree in its full bloom is a riot of color. My eyes opened wide to drink in the beauty and a cool breeze put a big smile on my face. Seriously, waking up early is a wonderful gift I give myself.

During those calm leisurely hours, everything is pleasant. No matter what is happening with my life, no matter what kind of people are there in it, the world is still beautiful. In that I find my peace. And my strength. Every thought I have at that time, is as serene as a prayer and as bright as sunshine. The little walk I have under the canopy of lush green trees, is a little therapeutic session gently erasing bits of unwanted past, and readying me for a fresh new day.

And when the day starts on such a good note, it’s bound to be good! 

evening..

The frenzy of the fluttering leaves, steps of stone cut into a bed of grass, an empty whisky bottle lying carelessly in the bushes.. the incessant cooing of the koel making me wonder what it was craving so..myriad calls of strange birds, clouds strewn across a sky in various hues of blue.. Dense green foliage around, with sudden bursts of colourful blossoms punctuating the green.

A new place, new surroundings. This was the scene I was enjoying in the balcony when she interrupted the perfect moment - but the cup of chai she brought for me, made the evening more perfect.

talk it out..

Just sitting and talking to someone can make such a difference. Especially when they have faced, or are facing the same situation as you. Talking about the possible solutions feels as if the problem is already being solved. The utter hopelessness reduces and u feel like it is ok .. even though the reality may be far from the truth.

It’s always good to talk it out with people who matter. (But before you do that, make sure you matter to that person too. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for some really shitty stuff.) There’s always someone, or some people who’ll want to listen to you, no matter how crappy, or how repetitive your problems might be. They’ll listen not as an obligation, but because they really care about what you’re going through. Figure out who those person/ people are in your life, and when you do, cherish them. They are very special, and bask in the glory of the awareness that they are there for you, even when life is not so good.

Having people who care, might not solve any problems and might not be a quick-fix in anyway, but it definitely makes life a lot better. Makes you stronger to go face a problem or tackle a challenge.

You’re more willing to try and scale that wall, when you know there’s a cushion to fall back on.. Just In Case.

PS : some cushions are subject to wear and tear.. or might just decide to get up and walk out. Beware. It Hurts! in the wrong places when u fall without looking back.

Stranger..

Talking to myself I was,
On a cold dark night
There was silence
And no one in sight

Someone was watching me
I realized with a start.
To that benign visitor
I poured out my heart

Unspeakable dreams I had
and lay awake in fright
I relived them with this stranger
On the cold winter night

Comforted by him I drifted
In and out of sleep
The swishing wind sometimes
Breaking the silence deep

The leaves rustled softly
To the wind’s tune
They were laughing at me
For I’d been talking to the moon

Here we go again ..

Remember the scene from the movie ‘The Mummy’ where Brendan Fraser ( the love of my life when I was at school) says with considerable dread “Here we go again” when they reach Hamunaptra, the city of the dead?? I felt the same when I reached the dentist’s clinic. The place of pain, screams and sharp instruments that poke around in your mouth. I went in, and the receptionist showed me in aftr a torturous wait of half an hr. I walked in, and was shocked. The girl who used to assist the dentist, had now been promoted and was the dentist now. And her inexperience showed. I went coz a small piece of my tooth had chipped off, and there was a definite hole. I told her to fill it up. It took her around ten minutes to find it. And meanwhile she was trying to convince me that there was no cavity. Finally, she saw that and said “ it’s so tiny and in an inaccessible place. Let’s leave it.. won’t matter”. Now, after undergoing THREE root-canal surgeries, and having gotten 2 cavities filled, I am kind of a dental expert. I have this calcium deficiency thing and this causes dental probs on a frequent basis. Brushing twice a day, rinsing everytime I eat and all that doesn’t help. I’m doomed. I said “fill it up.. it will become a problem later on”. Now ppl, remember- Never ever ignore a cavity, whatever a stupid inexperienced dentist might say. Get it filled up. I went to the dreaded chair, and got into position – jaws open wide, as if in a silent scream. The actual screams would follow. Experienced dentists would know that it isn’t easy for people to sit still and open their mouths, when you are holding such sharp instruments. We get scared, we close out mouths. Of course. The drill comes near, and the mouth closes. Normally dentists expect that. The ones who treat me, always schedule the session with buffer time. This lady one was new. Started getting frustu. That didn’t help. The more agitated she got, the more scared I was. After an agonizing quarter hour, it was done, and I stopped praying and was about to get off, when she said, it’s been 6 months since you came, so get scaling done. It won’t hurt, she promised. “yea right!” she started, and I spat blood three times! She kept cutting my gums. When I complained, she came up with the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. “There’s bad blood in gums. It’s better if it comes out”. I wanted to ask her, “do you deliberately cut your gums every month to get the “bad blood” out?” And for heaven’s sake, use the damn suction and don’t make me sit up and spit every 10 seconds. I know I look like a person who could use a few ab-crunches, but this is neither the place, nor the time. Some pray for riches, others pray for love, but I? I pray for dental health. Amen.

!@#$%!!

There are horrible things, and there are shitty things. Horrible ones make you cringe or cry when u remember them, shitty things are frustrating, but only make you shrug at the memory, and make others laugh cruelly when narrated.

For eg, when you unknowingly step into dung on the road, it’s a shitty thing.. but when you slip in it and break your nose and are left disfigured forever, it’s horrible.

I travel in local trains to go to work, and the other day, I left office early, and there was a train leaving at 4.30 pm. It was 4.29 in my watch. I rushed to the ticket counter, and I saw the train pull into the platform. I pushed everyone in the queue aside, yelled at the aunty to gimme a ticket and threw a Rs10 note at her. And this dumb female, starts counting coins to pay me back without handing over the ticket. I yell again, snatch the ticket and rush out. The train has started moving, and I started running towards the entrance of a compartment, movie style. I almost got into it, with one foot on the foot-hold, when I slipped. I would’ve gone crashing down onto the platform, and got injured, died whatever..

If he hadn’t pulled me inside. Well, I’m no Simran, so he wasn’t Shah Rukh either. More like Amrish Puri, judging by the length of the lecture he gave me. “you know what could have happened? You know how irresponsible it was?” so on and so forth. Interestingly, every thing he said was a question. “How would your parents feel?”.. “blah blah? Bblah?” it was quite funny after I’d noticed this. I counted 14 questions before he shut up and looked away. He had a shiny bald patch on his head. So, let’s call him Anupam Kher? But he had the strength to pull me, (ME!) into the train, so more like Dara Singh.. Well whoever.

I pulled out my book and began reading, and looked out when the train approached a station. My mouth fell open. This train wasn’t supposed to go to this station!! Turns out I was on the wrong train! This explained why the ticket counter lady was so nonchalant when I told her that the train had arrived. Turns out she wasn’t the dumb one after all. I was so frustu that some really nasty words flew out of my mouth, causing our Amrish Puri to stare at me with a horrified look. “I bet you wont ask me any ‘questions’ now” I thought.

That same evening.

I was going to my aunt’s place and my cousin had come to pick me up on her 2-wheeler. On the way a drain was overflowing, and I was telling her to drive very very slowly. “I don’t want even a drop of the dirty drain water to splash on to my foot. Slow down”.. “slower”..” Slowerrrrrrr” at that precise moment.. ‘Splash!!’ a goddamned truck driver went speeding past us. Again a string of expletives flew out of my mouth, much to the shock of my little cousin, who had never seen this side of ‘Manasa-akka’.

But it’s useless to bad-mouth anyone. It’s no one’s fault, and there’s no way to escape it. When there’s shit waiting to happen, it will.

Tangled

Never trust an Assamese hair stylist.

I specifically told her that I wanted to keep it long. I just wanted her to trim the edges which started looking like overgrown bushes. Just that morning I was admiring how long it’d become. It had taken me two long years for it to grow so much. She acted like she understood me, said ‘umm’ and ‘ah’ and all that. Then she stuck many colored pins in my hair, and started the demolition. Snip snip snip.. it went on and on. Now with my glasses off, I’m half blind and since I was sitting so far from the mirror I couldn’t really see what was going on. Only a blurry shape which looked like it had horns, coz of all those pins stuck in the hair.

After a while, she removed the pins and my still-wet hair fell to my shoulder.. my shoulder!! It was HALF as long as it used to be.. I squealed.. startling her.. I wanted to yell at her, to call her names, make her see the horrible sin she’d committed, and all I could manage was “where’s my hair??” to which she obviously laughed. You know, some people are intimidating customers.. the people who make others really careful in their presence; and the rest of us are a bunch of clowns who nobody is scared of. She wouldn’t have dared to cut all my hair off if I’d belonged to the former set.

But after she blow-dried my tresses, and those exquisite curls landed softly on my shoulders, I could just sit and stare at my reflection. I didn’t hate that woman with a funny name anymore. Yes she’d butchered my long hair, but she’d turned wild tangles into bouncy curls. I was gushing like an idiot thanking her profusely. We even made plans how she’d style my hair when I got married. Ya, I haven’t yet met the guy I’ll marry, but I have a hair-stylist ready.

Have you ever looked into a mirror and felt a truck-load of happiness? Ever been so much in love with yourself that you are bursting with the joy of it? I was suddenly in this place where I loved looking in the mirror, and where previously I saw Shrek, now I saw Fiona (the human one). For the next two days I skipped around, tossing my hair and smiling, and liking that smile.

And then , I shampooed, and lo and behold, my wild tangles were back again, only shorter.