“ why don’t you update you blog more often?”.. someone from work asked me this morning. I loved this question, which was indicative of the fact that there were people who liked my blog (ahem! read my blog)..
After a while, my team-mate turned up and said that he’d read some of my blog posts over the weekend.
And when I heard this for a third time today, (this time a dear friend called up to actually yell at me for not updating it), I took it as a sign! And here goes..
Life is as usual.. obscure random-ness punctuated by craziness, laughter, crushes and a rare tear or two.
Went shopping this weekend.. actually window-shopping .. Wanted to buy a new spectacle frame, tried out scores of them, but didn’t like any that much. And left the shop in a huff, when she said my eyes are too big!! You sell stupid frames n have the audacity to say that there’s something wrong with my face!!
And then went to a mall where I had to pay for accidentally breaking an ugly coffee mug. Stupid fragile things, destroyed by a mere fling of a careless hand!
And there it was again… the nothingness. Life right now is at a sort of frozen standstill. The minute I leave my mind alone, it sort of ventures into a scary zone.. of disturbing questions about the future, haunting philosophical thoughts of “what’s the point??” wrenching guilt trips of how I could have made my life better, anger at the unfairness of situations, indignation, and lots and lots of self-doubt! It’s a lot to deal with.
I heard all this mental stuff happens to every one..they call it ‘mid-life crisis’ , but ain’t I a tad too young to have it? Anyways, I don’t want to deal with it and as always, took an easy path.. I just mute my brain whenever these disturbing thoughts threaten to surface. I keep watching this show’ How I Met Your Mother’ I have 5 seasons of it in my comp and every minute of my free-time is spent watching episodes back-to-back, until I finally fall asleep. It feels good to live in passive-ness for a while, watching emotions from outside, while your own brain is safely cradled in the nothingness of ceased thought.
Time will come for me to un-mute my mind and get on, but right now, I’m happy and safe at the ‘Pause’ button.