Monday, January 11, 2010

random update :)

“ why don’t you update you blog more often?”.. someone from work asked me this morning. I loved this question, which was indicative of the fact that there were people who liked my blog (ahem! read my blog)..
After a while, my team-mate turned up and said that he’d read some of my blog posts over the weekend.
And when I heard this for a third time today, (this time a dear friend called up to actually yell at me for not updating it), I took it as a sign! And here goes..

Life is as usual.. obscure random-ness punctuated by craziness, laughter, crushes and a rare tear or two.

Went shopping this weekend.. actually window-shopping .. Wanted to buy a new spectacle frame, tried out scores of them, but didn’t like any that much. And left the shop in a huff, when she said my eyes are too big!! You sell stupid frames n have the audacity to say that there’s something wrong with my face!!

And then went to a mall where I had to pay for accidentally breaking an ugly coffee mug. Stupid fragile things, destroyed by a mere fling of a careless hand!

And there it was again… the nothingness. Life right now is at a sort of frozen standstill. The minute I leave my mind alone, it sort of ventures into a scary zone.. of disturbing questions about the future, haunting philosophical thoughts of “what’s the point??” wrenching guilt trips of how I could have made my life better, anger at the unfairness of situations, indignation, and lots and lots of self-doubt! It’s a lot to deal with.

I heard all this mental stuff happens to every one..they call it ‘mid-life crisis’ , but ain’t I a tad too young to have it? Anyways, I don’t want to deal with it and as always, took an easy path.. I just mute my brain whenever these disturbing thoughts threaten to surface. I keep watching this show’ How I Met Your Mother’ I have 5 seasons of it in my comp and every minute of my free-time is spent watching episodes back-to-back, until I finally fall asleep. It feels good to live in passive-ness for a while, watching emotions from outside, while your own brain is safely cradled in the nothingness of ceased thought.

Time will come for me to un-mute my mind and get on, but right now, I’m happy and safe at the ‘Pause’ button.

4 comments:

Mr.Cheetah said...

pagala kottesava... ha ha ha... entha pay chesav?? inthaki ye mall lo??? nenu miss ayyanu... ayyoooo....

neha said...

entha kattav pic teesavaa aa MUG dhi :P :P :P

Rider on the storm said...

liked the last paragraph.....liked the idea of switching off the brain n all and watching urself .......girl u knoingly or unknowingly stepped on the very notes of "non duality", acocrding to me the prsitine and magnanimous of all concepts known to man......

DRAVIDIAN said...

Impressed by ur post.more so because infact my blog is filled with couple of posts where i had shared the same feelings.

and just to add a point there is infact a thing called "quarter life crisis"very much like the midlife crisis which you have said.It happens to people in the late 20s.
Not trying to flatter you but honest opinion.no wonder your friends keep asking you to update.